Herman's Creations

Mai Twitter Fren, Herman maded tehse fur me. Ain't tehy luverly?

Durty Durty Triks

Ai notis Mom put a bowl on top of mai dry food & givved me xtra turkey/cheez.gravy flava nite b4 las'. W'en it come 2 nom, Ai not looking gif' horse n teh meowf. Nex' moarnin' Ai not hav 2 wake Mom & Poppa not home so Ai finking mebbe she just deside fur urly breffass. Hmm! NO BREFFASS! Wassup wit' taht?!!

Mom goes 2 baffroom bai hersef & not anser me. Ai'm finking she hurt n tehr? So Ai go bak 2 kichen & try 2 turn ober teh seramik bowl. It brokded so Ai has 2 lay low so Mom wont go n tehr & see it.

Mom lemme go owt fur moarnin pee/poo spot so Ai tries som grass fur breffass. But Ai frow it up on teh carport. Ai saw teh carrier las' nite but it wuz all pikked up fur putting me in wehn Ai camed n frum teh carport! OH! NO!

Ai put up gud fite b'cuz ushully Mom & PetGurl haz 2 wurk 2gedder 2 put me n tehre. Took a li'l longer but Mom got me N tehre. Ai haz no breffass & Ai wuz on mai way 2 teh (suspense song)--duh, duh, DAAAAH!----TO TEH VET!!!W'at a durty trik!

Ai yowld all the way! Tehn MOM LEF' ME TEHR!!! Ai wuz TOOO owt dun! Tehn w'le Ai wuz yowling fur Mom, Poppa, Petgurl,  Rownhed Boy,  Gramma, Stubby Kay SUMBUDDEEE! teh lites went owt. Ai waked up bak in mai carrier & teh vet wuz looking at me. Ai cudnt say nuffin but lay tehre finking awrful fots abot her. Tehn Ai bak 2 sleep.

W'en Ai waked up agin, Mom wuz tehre & she put mai carrier bak n the car. Ai tried 2 yowl but Ai wuz feelin' fuzzy on teh nsides. Mai teef! Mai teef feel diff'rent!AI need water! Ai needs FOOD! Teh car tek us sumplace wher PetGurl gits n teh car & she holds teh carrier n her lap so she kin pet me frew teh door.. Ai feel betta wit' PetGurl n tehre b'cuz Ai'm kinda upset wit' Mom ober teh durty trik.

Ai git home & Poppa's tehre wit' purlenty ov turkey gravy flava n mai bowl. Ai eat. Ai drink water. Ai eat. Ai drink water. Ai eat Ai drink water. Mai teef feel funny but reeely clean.

Greem Guy Day

Der's naybers owtside wearing greem clothes. Ai kno tihs b'cuz Ai heered tehm say tehy wuz all greem & going 2 a parade. Mom, Poppa & PetGurl is not going 2 parade but tehy going sumwhers fur volunteering. Tehy goes fur volunteering & church a lot--Mom & Poppa do. Taht meens tehy help udder peeples is how PetGurl esplane it 2 me. Enyways tehy not wearing greem clothes. Ai dont kno greem b'cuz PetGurl sez cats are color blind but so iz Poppa. So how he kno when he not wearing greem?

Iz greem guy day. Ai kno tihs b'cuz Ai sawed wun N teh bak yard & he tole me so. He sed he did not liek teh lawnmower guy mowing ober teh clober. Ai liek teh clobers too. Grate place fur rolling arown & keching bugs owtsides 'cept teh bees. (Cat Law: Nebber try 2 kech a bee.)

Ai fot teh greem guy wuz a bug & Ai keched him. He sed "Oh gorsh 'n begorra! Ai been cot bai a cat! Now Ai s'pose you'll be wantin' me pot o' gold, cat?"

"Pot o' w'at?" Ai say.
"U kno: Me treshurs!" he say.
"O , well tehn!" Ai say. "W'at flava u got? Chikun? Turkeygravy? Tuna? Duz u hav sum fuzzy catnip mice?"  Ai fink Ai drooled on maiself a li'l bit.
"Hold on cat. Look, heer's me pot o' gold."

He show me a big rown gumbo pot, 'cept ther wuz no gumbo in it. Jus' sum shiny metal rown fings w'at dont even roll so u cant play wif 'em & u cant eat 'em. W'at Ai gonna do wif taht? Mom dont liek me to bring lizerds, bugs & oaktree lint in teh hows so Ai cant bergin 2 fink abot gitting sumpn so big n tehr.

"Nebbermine," Ai sez 2 teh greem guy.

"Say, what?" he say.

"My Mom's got a gumbo pot areddy. Fanks but no fanks."

Tehn teh pot & teh greem guy disappeer n a puff of greem smoke. Ai kno it wuz greem smoke b'cuz he say rite b4 he disapeer: "Well Ai'll be a-disappering now in a puff o' greem smoke!"

He did not smell 2 gud.

Anipal Mews

Nanny McFurr: L'Oreal Aims for Animal Free Testing: Nanny's reportin' on a mek up Kompny taht's tryin' mek mek up wif'owt testin' on anipals. W'at mek up?


Giant Squid Have Basketball-Size Eyes: Mom hurd abot it on NPR so she looked it up & fownded teh story on NatGeo. Seems tehy got giant eyeball fur a diff'rent reason tahn cats!


What if Women Ruled? Bonobo Society Helps Study: Being a boy cat, Ai'm not fur shur tehse chimps R helpin' mai case. Ebberbudde knoes cats rule!

How Do Penguins Fly To NYC? First Class on Delta [VIDEO] Furs: Ai dint kno tehy cud fly. Sekund: Wish Ai cud git bak frum teh vet tihs way.


Amelia and the Animals: Tehre's tihs hyoomom taht haz fotos ov her li'l gurl wit' all anipals. Iz grate pikchurs! (Dont try tihs at home--well not wit' teh wild anipals eny ways. Ai liek teh wun wit' teh kittehs best!

Mew Times!

Mom & Poppa up at teh tiem Ai want tehm up & tiem stommik clok purfurs sine tehy stopped gitting up on tiem abot 5-6 monfs ago. Ai'm not looking if'horse n teh meowf.  Teh dont look too happeh abot it, tho'.

Mooooom! UR 2 Bizzy!!! U Want Me 2 Fink r Sumpn'?

Mai mom haz been way 2 bizzy. Poppa stayd wit me a few days but he's not so much fun since he dont go owt ez much wif the stinky stiks. He will lemme go owt 2 the bakyard & keep teh door open fur me. But he dont rubs mai hed so much. He has been breeving in a lowd masheen n the moarnin's & at nite. He dont seem 2 liek it much so Ai heers him growlin' & Ai stays away & hope Mom comes home B4 dinna tiem so she kin feed me nsted ov Poppa.

Yessirday Poppa lef' fur Owttatown. Ai dont know w'er iz Owttatown but Ai'm finking iz fur away B'cuz soemtiem Poppa iz gone fur days. Mom camed home rite b4 teh sun ternd off. PetGurl wuz wif her! O, joy! Ai got urly noms! Tihs meens endless hed & chin rubs frum PetGurl! Rite?...Rong.

Tehn they pik up soem stuff & lef.' Mom wuznt bak till teh sun terned off. & she wnet rite 2 sleep. Ai cudnt dance on her hed until stommik clok went off at 5 tihs moarnin. W'en stommik clok goes off, it mus' be fed & Ai haz 2 wake Mom. Soemtiem it meenz dancin' on her hed till she gits up & GITS MAI BREFFASS!

Ai dunno w'at's goin' on arown heer but soembody betta stay wit' teh cat! Or Ai will be finking abot stuff. W'at's Mportunt? TEH CAT!!!& teh cat's stommik.

BTW, nebber furgit: Cat stommik iz its own entity. Powerful entity.

Mewmember:

• tell peepuls 2 fink abopping a older pet liek me--kitteh OR goggie is gud! 
•  hug ur anipal if u haz 1
•  talk 2 Ceiling Cat 2day & ebber day! ~Bob

Baby Seals

Tehy R almos'  ez kyoot ez baby kittehs. So whai Canadian gov'munt lets peepuls kill baby seals? Ai dont git it.


http://www.peta.org/issues/animals-used-for-clothing/canadian-seal-slaughter.aspx


Mewmember:

• tell peepuls 2 fink abopping a older pet liek me--kitteh OR goggie is gud! 
•  hug ur anipal if u haz 1
•  talk 2 Ceiling Cat 2day & ebber day! ~Bob

Stubby

Mom has been worried abot mai mew frien w'at comes ober sumtiems. He's ginger cat wit' a white muzzle & chest.  He has seekrit cat name but Mom calls him Stubby K. He is not nootered b'cuz he sprays teh carport & bakyard.  Ai  discubbered him b4 taht B'cuz Ai cud smell him but mai hyoomins cudnt.

W'en Poppa wuz gone & cudnt tek me owtsides, Mom wud let me owts fur mai poop spots & Ai took a few xtra minits 2 look fur him. "Hey! Ai kno ur owt heer sumwheres. Tihs is mai bakyard! Show ur face, dood!" Nuffin.

Wun day when Poppa was in hospital, Ai ax Mom if Ai cud go 2 bakyard  b'cuz Ai cud heer him but Mom cudnt. Hyoomins dont heer & smell ez gud ez us. Tehn Ai see him behine teh big white oak. "Dood! Ai heer u breevin' & Ai smell u. Why u come 2 mai bakyard ebber day?"

Nuffin.

Ai slowly walk ober to see him close. He is bigger tehn me but kinda skerred. His eyes is big & him hav hurst N tehm.

"O, gosh. Sorry. Ai lost frum mai 4eva home & Ai  hav hurts," he say.

"Dood! How U git away frum ur 4eva home? U lef' ur bakyard? Why U do taht?" Ai say.

"Well, Ai smell gurl kittehs far frum mai bakyard, so Ai goes looking fur where teh smell come frum. It wuz liek a speshul smell taht wuz pullin' & pullin' me & b4 Ai know it Ai far frum mai 4eva home. U eva hav taht feelin' & taht pull?"

"No, akshully." Ai say. "U dont know where ur 4eva home iz, tehn taht iz not gud."Ai jus' cant amajin leevin' a 4eva home ober a smell taht dont involve turkeygravy flava. But Mom sez w'en u haz TEH SERJRY teh smell ov gurl kittehs dont pull u.

"Ai wuz on mai way bak & got konfyoosed b'cuz sumfing chase me," He sed. "And tehn tihs happen & Ai so hurt & ...YOOOOOWWWL!"

Ai kin see why he yowl & hav hurt N his eyes! Iz most horrible fing!  His tail stop in the middle 7 tehre iz blood dried on the fur w'ere yoosta b a tail.

"O! Poor fing! Come wit' me. Mebbe mai Mom kin help u." Ai tern 2 walk 2 the hows fur him 2 follow. Mom comes owt 2 teh catio 2 call me insides.
"Come, on!" Ai say. "Teh're Mom now." But he is gone & Ai not git his name. So Ai go insides wit' Mom, hoping he will come bak so he kin git help.

Later Mom heer's a yowl owtsides & finking she left me on teh catio & fell alseep b'cuz Poppa's not home yet & needer 1 of us iz sleeping on owr ushual skedyul. Ai run 2 teh door wit' her. "Well, Bobbo, if U r N heer wif me then who iz taht yowling owtside?"

"Come on Mom! There's hurt kitteh owt heer! Ai seen him urlier! He needs owr help!" Ai say & Ai run owt. But he is gone & Mom dont unnerstan. She finks Ai jus' need 2 go 2 poo spot in teh bakyard, tells me 2 hurry up so we kin go bak 2 bed. Ai know him iz behine the big white oak w'er Mom can't see from teh catio. Ai tell him iz OK 2 folla me but he runned away agin.

Later Ai tell him all abot me, Mom, Poppa & PetGurl.  He wached owr hows & wait fur me 2 come owtsides. He see Poppa come home & Poppa see me talkin' 2 him from udder side ov bakyard b'cuz he too skerred 2 let Poppa git too close. Later he see Mom, too. He say he kno  when Mom's car come iz not long she lemme go owt bak ov teh catio. So Mom see him run across bakyard from carport almo's ebberday & she smell his spray owt teher.

He say he fink abot follering me insides nex' time b'cuz mai fambly seem liek berry mice peepuls & his half tail hurts. Him yowl so loud Mom heers him all teh tiem now. So Ao goes owt & he is neer mai poop spot. Ai tells him 2 folla me w'en Mom sez "Buttonsbuttonsbuttons!" And he duz! Ai go rite 2 mai noms bowl fur sharing wit him but w'en Ai tern arown, him not tehr! Him chikkund owt! Mom musta knowed he wuz still tehr b'cuz she put sum ov mai dry food on teh catio.

Later, Ai find owt from him taht he got so slkerred. But he camed to teh catio door 2 call fur me. Mom leevs the blinds up jus a li'l so he looked N 2 see if he cud see me..and he sawed Mom lookingbak at him! He stared at her but he cunt move, he wuz so skerred. Tehn she took a step towards teh door & he took off 2 teh bak fence & owt ov teh yard. He tol' me to tell Mom fanks fur teh food.

Mai Mom is skerred fur him. She say she see his hurt tail & want him 2 git helped. Ai herd Mom say 2 PetGurl, "Maybe we should call animal control."

"No!" sed PetGurl. "Remember what hapened 2 LeeLee & Gracie, tehr."

"They're supposed to be a no-kill shelter now. I'm thinking maybe they will take care of his tail stump & keep him until he's adopted. he cant roam teh nayberhood liek that. Poor thing's in pain."

"No!" Sed PetGurl. "Tohse r teh same peepuls taht sed tehy'd keep LeeLee  Gracie fur 3 days & tehy dint. Ai dont want 2 take taht chance wit' Stubby."

"Perhaps ur rite," sed Mom. "Maybe we kin call the Northside taht haz anipals fur adopshun at teh wh'er Bob's vet iz. Ai see if Ai kin giv tehm a call. Meenwhile, Ai'll kee putting handfuls of dry food owtside fur him so he will kee coming & start trusting us a little bit."

Ai dont know abot w'at a Northside is but Ai hope tehy kin help Stubby wit' his tail & a mew 4eva home.


Mewmember:

• tell peepuls 2 fink abopping a older pet liek me--kitteh OR goggie is gud! 
•  hug ur anipal if u haz 1
•  talk 2 Ceiling Cat 2day & ebber day! ~Bob